The world is seriously crazy and full of danger, but it is not your fault and it has nothing to do with you.
Yup, it’s time to be sanely reasonable.
When terrible things happened or when I encountered terrible people, I watched injustices unfold, pressuring me to internalize them. It made me mad at my own naivety for not being aware of the actual reality earlier on, causing me to distrust myself and my judgments. I also thought if something were to be presented to me- directly and indirectly- then it would have to mean I deserved it. Therefore, I used to shift the blame automatically entirely onto myself; having people around me who encouraged this definitely didn’t help, lol. Weak people will usually project their worst version of themselves and their worst problems. For those who say “duh,” shut up and give me a break, I’m on the spectrum.
Anyway, the point is that blaming yourself baselessly without logical discernment is not accountability. This is the quickest way to living hell and a form of self-abuse. You will most likely go crazy and become enslaved to your past and future if you attempt to bear all the burdens of what is out of your control. It is not the same thing as seeking justice, and it certainly is not your burden to carry.
True accountability involves acknowledging our actions and their consequences but also understanding the limits of our responsibility. It means learning from our mistakes without unfairly taking on the weight of the world. Accountability is constructive; it leads to growth and improvement, not self-punishment.
It is unproductive, unrealistic, and kind of stupid to be stuck in time or an idea, where you can’t go back to or what you couldn’t realistically do anything about, and constantly whip yourself on your back, reliving the moment. Who is taking care of the now while you are too busy whipping yourself while living in the past? Why did people passing by have to watch you whipping yourself uncomfortably and painfully awkwardly?
The point is, nobody asked for a scarlet letter A story re-lived, and it is unfair if someone expects you to; they are very much part of the real craziness of the world if they expect you to be Jesus re-lived. You are not Jesus; in fact, you are part of a world where 8 billion people exist. You most likely have at least one person who loves and cares for you and who needs you, even if that person is just yourself; you need you. You need the optimized, sane version of yourself.
What a realization, right? Now that we have established thoroughly that you are not Jesus or the main character in Scarlet Letter, as a human being, you may either breathe air unproductively and use it to whip yourself, or you may breathe it to live a purpose gained from unique experiences, without self-abuse.
Something that will always be is that the world is unpredictable and often harsh, but internalizing all the blame isn’t the answer. Recognize the difference between accountability and self-blame.
You cannot change who you encounter or what life brings, but you most definitely have the power over how you respond to them. However, you may lack the optimization of this power due to a lack of courage to see things honestly. And some people may very well take this self-dialogue and invade your internal thought process. So, understanding what you need, starting with simply stopping whipping yourself on the back, might help. This will give you more courage than before to calculate accurately and decipher accountability and blame. This means not overstating your influence on negative outcomes but also not dismissing the truth.
Punishing yourself baselessly causes damage to your past, present, future, bypassers, and, most importantly, yourself. Stop whipping yourself. Recognizing this is taking true accountability, not posing as Jesus.
